my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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