Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
