just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
