you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
