I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
