I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This house was built for laser tag.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
