I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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