yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
