i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
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