K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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