My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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