she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
