My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
