:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
