Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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