i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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