I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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