Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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