the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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