he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
