If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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