I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
