I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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