he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
