Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How does one acquire holy water?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
