Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
