Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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