im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
