i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
