yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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