you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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