Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
