Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
God, I missed his penis.
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