even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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