Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
