Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
