oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This is my gift to your gina
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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