Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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