Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize