I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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