I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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