Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
