So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
