i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
we're so committed to being not committed
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