Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
