i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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