The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
