i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize