Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
