nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
