butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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