Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
