That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
