it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
