Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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