areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
