she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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