wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
