she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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