What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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