She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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