I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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