After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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