You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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