He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
