I faked an abortion last night.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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